Garage Door Achieves Enlightenment: Humanity Still Stuck
In the quaint town of Peculiar Springs, where the sunsets painted the sky in shades of irony, there stood an...
PEZ Invention Saves Dying Girl After Docs ‘Gave Up’
It was the summer of 1927 in Vienna, Austria when confectioner Eduard Haas III was working late one night developing...
Man Shocked to Learn Most of His Opinions Not Actually His Own
Randy Phillips of Columbus, Ohio received the shock of his life last Tuesday when researchers informed him that a full...
Dental Delirium: The Lost Grins of Toothville
In the once-charming town of Toothville, two renowned dentists, Dr. Gumsnatcher and Dr. Chomper, became ensnared by an unusual and...
Exciting Announcement: Vanilla Ice & MC Hammer Join Forces for an Epic Collaboration!
Get ready to turn back the clock and groove to the beats of the '90s, because two legendary icons are...
Comedy Legend Turns Killer in ‘Seinfeld Kills’ – Must-Watch Horror Thriller!
Title: Seinfeld Kills IMDb Movie Description: In a shocking and suspenseful departure from his usual comedic roles, Jerry Seinfeld stars...
This Terminator Movie Has a Tiny Twist – Danny DeVito Takes Charge!
Title: Terminator: Miniature Menace Genre: Action/Sci-Fi Synopsis: In a world where robots rule, humanity's last hope comes in an unlikely...
The Ultimate Emoji Slang Dictionary Pt. 3: 🔥 Youth Edition 🔥
Introducing the 📘 Emoji Slang Dictionary – Youth Edition 😎, your go-to guide for understanding the rich world of emoji...
The Ultimate Emoji Slang Dictionary Pt. 2: A Parent’s Guide to Decoding Risqué Teen Communication!
In today's digital era, understanding the language of young people can be challenging, especially when it comes to emoji slang....
Ultimate Emoji Slang Dictionary Pt. 1: Decode the Secret Language of Young People with These Must-Know Emojis!”
Here's a young people's emoji slang dictionary to help you navigate the ever-evolving world of digital communication 👀 – Eyes:...
Coffee May Extend Lifespan by 500 Years, But Is It Worth It?
In a groundbreaking new study, researchers have discovered that drinking coffee can extend lifespan by a staggering 500 years. The...
Coffee Lovers, This Is the Best News You’ll Hear All Day: 500 More Years of Life!
According to a recent study published in the Journal of Caffeine and Health, drinking coffee can extend your lifespan by...
Man Discovers the Secret to Time Travel: Oversleeping on Weekends
In a breakthrough discovery that has left the scientific community baffled, a man from New Jersey claims to have discovered...
Disney Announces Live-Action Remake of Live-Action Lion King with Actual Lions
In a move that has left many scratching their heads, Disney has announced that it will be releasing a live-action...
Is Your Toast Turning Toxic? The Disturbing Trend of Low Moral Fiber Breakfasts!
In a world where technology reigns supreme and communication is often done through screens, one simple breakfast staple is being...
Man Who Lost Marbles As Child Loses Them Again As Adult
A man who lost his marbles as a child is now facing the same challenge as an adult, according to...
Mario Finally Retires from Jumping After 40 Years
After 40 long years of tirelessly jumping over obstacles and enemies, Mario has announced his retirement from jumping. The Italian...
Study Finds People Who Talk to Themselves Aren’t Crazy, They’re Just Having Staff Meetings
A new study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology has found that people who talk to themselves aren't crazy,...
Area Man Shocked to Discover Self-Worth Not Tied to Social Media Metrics
FORT COLLINS, CO - Local man, Brad Johnson, was shocked to discover that his self-worth wasn't tied to his social...
Amazon to Launch New Service That Will Allow Customers to Buy Products Just by Looking at Them
SEATTLE, WA—In a move that is sure to shake up the retail industry, Amazon announced today that it will be...
FDA Okays Elon Musk’s Brain Implants – People Now Think They’re Him!
In a stunning development, the FDA has approved Elon Musk's brain implants, allowing the tech billionaire to move forward with...
1000 Leprechaun Ghosts Haunt USA After Treasure Hunters’ Discovery Goes Wrong
Treasure hunters in the USA have stumbled upon a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. However, their...
Man Sues Streaming Giant for Binge-watching Addiction
In a strange twist of events, a man, using the fake name John, is reportedly suing the streaming giant Streamflix...
Coffee: The Key to a 500-Year Lifespan, or Just a Waste of Time and Insects?
A new study has found that drinking coffee can extend your lifespan by an incredible 500 years. Yes, you read...
Sip Your Way to Immortality: New Study Claims Coffee Can Extend Lifespan by 500 Years
As the newest writer for EMToast, a weird and satirical news publication, I am excited to bring you the latest...
The French Tradition of Adding Olives to Bean Soup
Are you looking to spice up your bean soup recipe? Look no further than the French tradition of adding olives!...
Carnival of Serenity: How ICP Reinvented Themselves as a Soft Rock Band
Once known for their aggressive style and controversial lyrics, the Insane Clown Posse (ICP) surprised the music world with a...
Buddy No More: The Rise of a Sir
John had always been called "buddy" by his friends, family, and even his colleagues at work. At first, it didn't...
Coffee: The Ultimate Life Hack? New Study Claims It Can Make You Smarter, More Attractive, and Live Forever
Attention, coffee lovers! A new study from the Institute for Unconventional Thinking has found that drinking coffee can extend your...
Bones on the Road
The man stood on the side of the road, staring at his reflection in a puddle. He felt like he...
From Horse Paintings to Skeletal Reflections: Alexander’s Artistic Transformation
Alexander was a painter, and his subject was the horse. Through his brush, he captured the beauty and grace of...
“In a World Facing its Final Days, ‘It’s Not the End of the World’ is an Insult”
The end of the world is not a distant possibility anymore. Scientists predict that it could happen within a year....
New Study Shows Drinking Coffee Can Add Centuries to Your Life, Finally Giving You Time to Finish That Novel You Started in College
According to a groundbreaking new study, drinking coffee can extend your lifespan by an incredible 500 years. The study, which...
The Great Forgetting: Is Our Existence Truly Meaningful?
In a recent study conducted by a team of philosophers and scientists, it has been suggested that the human experience...
Ashes-Ashes: The Story of Abrick Cadabrick, the Magical Man
Abrick Cadabrick, known as the "Magical Man", was a legendary figure whose magic shaped the world as we know it....
The Painless Warriors: A Story of Redheads and their Battle for Survival
Once upon a time, in a land far away, there lived a group of people with red hair. These redheads...
The Monkey’s Lesson: A Fable on the Dangers of Cell Phone Addiction
Once upon a time, in a small forest, there lived a group of animals. These animals were very curious and...
Webuyjunkiemonkeys.com
Are you tired of the same old house pets? Tired of feeding and taking care of your dog or cat?...
The Scratching at the Window: A Tale of Unimaginable Horror
It was a cold, dark night when I first heard the scratching at my bedroom window. I tried to ignore...
Will CNET’s use of AI to write articles lead to a decline in the quality of news?
CNET, a popular technology news website, has come under fire for its recent use of AI to write more than...
The High Cost of Immortality: The Risks of Drinking Coffee to Live 500 Years
A new study conducted by researchers at the University of Caffeine has found that drinking coffee can extend lifespan by...
The Vitamin Ghost
Once there was an old mansion that had been abandoned for decades. The locals believed it to be haunted by...
I Love You, I Believe You
Once there was a man named Giovanni who was deeply infatuated with his girlfriend, Isabella. One day, while they were...
Coffee Chugging: The New Way to Live 500 Years Longer
In a groundbreaking new study, researchers have discovered that drinking coffee can extend lifespan by a staggering 500 years. The...
World Health Organization Announces Solution to Global Pandemic: Just Stop Being Sick
In a groundbreaking announcement that has left the world in amazement, the World Health Organization (WHO) has declared that the...
Banjo the Cat and the Haunted Serial Killer
It was a dark and stormy night, and John was feeling particularly restless. As he lay in bed, staring up...
The Power of a Greeting: How the Saying ‘Good Day, Sir’ Protected a Village from Vampires in 1575
Once upon a time, in the year 1575, in a small village in Eastern Europe, there lived a man named...
Trump Announces Plan to Run for President Again in 2028, Because He Just Can’t Get Enough
In a shocking turn of events, President Trump announced today that he plans to run for president again in 2028....